Author: James Geary

Last year, The Phantom Toll Booth by Norton Juster celebrated its 50th anniversary, as commemorated in this article from The New Yorker. Somehow, I got through my Dr. Seuss-infused childhood without ever reading the book, an omission I only recently rectified. I wish I had read this book as a kid, but it still speaks powerfully to me as an adult, because of its generally madcap manipulation of language and its frequent aphoristic acrobatics. The Phantom Toll Booth mixes the Marx Brothers’ anarchic humor with an Alice in Wonderland-like glee in violating the laws of logic and of physics. I assigned a chapter from it for my Aphorisms: From Ideas to Action course as an example of the linguistic tricks at play in aphorisms … to wit:

You often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.

What you can do is often simply a matter of what you will do.

So many things are possible just as long as you don’t know they’re impossible.

There’s always something to do to keep you from what you really should be doing.

Many of the things which can never be, often are.

The most important reason for going from one place to another is seeing what’s in between.

It’s just as bad to live in a place where what you do see isn’t there as it is to live in one where what you don’t see is.

John Drybred is a retired journalist who worked for his hometown daily newspaper in Lancaster, PA. He has published aphorisms, quips, and assorted one-liners in the Wall Street Journal, Saturday Evening Post, New York Times News Service, National Enquirer, Catholic Digest, Quote Magazine, (Bob) Orben’s Current Comedy and, he adds, “several other now-defunct humor newsletters once subscribed to by comedians, disc jockeys, political and corporate speech writers. Also wrote for comedians performing at local comedy clubs serving locals and tourists to the surrounding Amish country [in Pennsylvania] and wrote for nationally recognized cartoonists.” Mr Drybred has also published in Reader’s Digest, where, in fact, his affection for the form began—on the “Quotable Quotes” page. “Through an intense interest, and a lot of trial and error (still proceeding),” he says, “I was able to publish a few nuggets from among untold tons of silt, learning along the way that widespread subjectivity among readers results in one person’s silt being another person’s nugget.” Panning through Mr. Drybred’s sayings turns up plenty of nuggets, especially of the chiasmus type, in which a reversal of terms reveals an unexpected meaning (as in Mae West’s “It ain’t the men in your life that matter, it’s the life in your men”). Mr. Drybred accomplishes this linguistic and logical pirouette with aplomb, always landing on his feet even as he turns the expected meaning on its head.

You don’t know if you’re coming or going till you decide whether or not you’ll go back for what you forgot.

We’re in an information economy in which there isn’t much of an economy and about which we don’t have enough information.

Someone’s beauty is often the only thing you’ll take lying down.

The time to take a stand is when you’re walking on eggs.

Answers are elusive to the exact degree and at the identical speed as they are pursued by questions.

The cell phone is the Swiss Army Knife of the Digital Age.

Who tells you it’s a matter of opinion usually thinks there’s something the matter with yours.

They’re trying to put the middle class to bed with a shovel.

To make good money today, you need to be a CEO or a counterfeiter.

The reason for it all is to enable us to wonder if there’s a reason for it all.

You usually have to do over what you were doing when you overdid.

The best thing you can do is believe you can do.

Old habits die hard, like the habit of trying hard not to die.

You get to where the only new ground you’ll break will be in a cemetery.

There isn’t anyplace in it with an economy worth thinking the world of.

How much you drink can determine whether trouble is brewing or brewing is trouble.

What you need most in the free world is money.

If a tree that money does grow on falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does the money talk?

 

If you can’t do one other thing, do two.

You’re never too old to wish you were young.

It’s easier to keep a straight face after Botox paralyzes it.

Try not to fall in the drink. Or after it.

Creative accounting is putting your eggs in whichever basket fits your need to have them counted as egg salad, eggs benedict, or eggnog.

Hip waders are needed for listening to any candidate for or holder of public office.

As they age, humans can lose density in every bone in their body except the crazy bone.
Discoverers of the God particle have the devil to pay.

The Elements of Style, by William Strunk Jr and E.B. White, remains a model of style and brevity, especially the last chapter, on style, which is studded with memorable aphorisms on the art and craft of writing:

The first principle of composition is to foresee or determine the shape of what is to come and pursue that shape.

Brevity is a by-product of vigor.

Instead of announcing that what you are about to tell is interesting, make it so.

Creative writing is communication through revelation.

The mind travels faster than the pen.

The practice and habit of writing not only drain the mind but supply it, too.

The adjective hasn’t been built that can pull a weak or inaccurate noun out of a tight place.

Do not be tempted by a twenty-dollar word when there is a ten-center handy, ready and able.

Never call a stomach a tummy without good reason.

When you say something, make sure you have said it.

The longest way round is usually the shortest way home.

The sentence is the basic unit of composition, and for most forms of aphoristic writing it is also the only unit of composition, which makes Stanley Fish’s charming book How to Write A Sentence: And How to Read One so engaging, including his aphoristic musings on the craft of writing and other matters…

A discipline in form is a discipline in thought.

If you’re waiting for fortune to smile, you may endure many a dark day.

Do your best, but expect the worst.

When someone rises to a point of principle, watch your back.

Politicians promise relief but give you grief.

Over the past few months, I had the great good fortune to devise and teach a course called Aphorisms: From Ideas to Action at Bennington College’s Center for the Advancement of Public Action. This was a special experience for me, since it was from here that I graduated in 1985, here that I included a collection of aphorisms as part of my senior thesis, here that I started doing my ‘aphorisms in the globe’ shtick, and here that I met my wife. The experience was all the more special because of the great group of students I had in my class. We read and talked about aphorisms in every possible permutation during the course of the term and, of course, we wrote aphorisms, too. Some students opted to write a collection of aphorisms as their final paper, but we all composed aphorisms (sometimes inadvertently) as part of the course. The students’ work was exceptional. Below is a selection of some of the aphorisms they came up with over the past 13 weeks…

For the sake of the writers’ ideas, ‘less is more’ is a proverb to be applied to candy and glue, not to aphorisms. —Catherine Lentini

Aphorisms help you overhear yourself thinking. —Molly Case

I cannot see past myself, yet all that I see is beyond me. —Silas van der Swaagh

To rebel one must wear the right uniform. —Devan Marques

Be your own definition. —Amanda Haggerty

Secure your own mask before helping others. —Jan-Erik Asplund

There’s no point criticizing the rules of a game you can’t change; you’ve just got to learn them and play them as best as you can. —Corey Ecay

You can only understand the power of language once you have lost it. —Lauren Glading

Sometimes a dumb thing is a thing worth saying. —Alan Dupont

College is a place where the people who need it least are told things that the world needs to know. —Dylan Scott

Jealousy is affinity plus allergy. —Emma Schmelzer

The constant is that things are always being torn down. —Samuel Mayer

Visit a city to observe the behavior of animals. —Anna Eckert-Kramer

First impressions are the last chance to impress. —Lila Cutter

Even the most sophisticated dinner party has trouble under its tabletop. —Hannah Davidson

I first blogged about Richard Krause’s aphorisms back in 2009, noting that his “aphorisms often take the form of ‘proverbial play’; i.e. the core of the aphorism consists of a well-known proverbial saying or familiar expression, which the aphorism then tweaks through some ironic reversal or witty gloss.” This is still Mr. Krause’s modus operandi, luring readers into a psychological double take when the expected meaning of the immanent truism is suddenly upended, which leaves you invigorated if slightly uneasy about many of the sayings’ darker undertones…

You take people’s word and soon find that you’ve appropriated their whole vocabulary.

The fear of falling in love with yourself is that you will displace no one.

When you are washed up you never realize the extent of shoreline you have to yourself.

The faith you lose in people is almost enough to start a religion elsewhere.

Too many women around a man always camouflages his inability to make friends.

No matter how we talk a thing to death, death always has the last word.

What we want to hear determines almost everything people say.

You get carried away less often the older you get despite being closer to ending up on a stretcher.

We are always at the mercy of our inability to give it.

Murmurs often appear in those hearts that have no say.

That life is almost meaningless in its brevity naturally shortens the attention span.

Brilliance turns into glare when it loses its timing.

A person’s pride is accountable for almost all their loneliness.

What you love never leaves you, who you love always does.

You are all that is left of your childhood.

Dave Lull alerts me to The Mind is a Metaphor database, “an evolving work of reference, an ever more interactive, more solidly constructed collection of mental metaphorics,” as it assembler and taxonomizer Brad Pasanek of the University of Virginia describes it. “This collection of eighteenth-century metaphors of mind serves as the basis for a scholarly study of the metaphors and root-images appealed to by the novelists, poets, dramatists, essayists, philosophers, belle-lettrists, preachers, and pamphleteers of the long eighteenth century. While the database does include metaphors from classical sources, from Shakespeare and Milton, from the King James Bible, and from more recent texts, it does not pretend to any depth or density of coverage in literature other than that of the British eighteenth century.” Next time you’re in search of an eighteenth-century metaphor, browse on by here…

A dry gleam of light is the wisest and best soul. —Heraklitus

When a human embryo is seven weeks old, / the brain shines through its forehead, a cloud / of light, belly-deep and breathing, / the whole, luminous mass cabled and alone. —Sam Witt

Curiosity is the thirst of the soul; it inflames and torments us, and makes us taste every thing with joy, however otherwise insipid, by which it may be quenched. —Samuel Johnson

A beauteous face may be the index of a beauteous mind. —James Miller

Ljupka Cvetanova is a Macedonian aphorist who has published widely in print and online satirical magazines in the Balkans. History never ended in the Balkans like it was supposed to in other places in the world. If anything, history sped up there. Cvetanova’s aphorisms are informed by recent Balkan history but, like all good sayings, also transcend their immediate instigation to achieve a wider application.

Men like women with a past, but they don’t want to build future with them.

Before you criticize a woman, try walking in her high heels.

Strong women are those who do not do everything they can.

Men see themselves in women’s eyes; women trust the mirror.

People who argue whether the glass is half empty or half full are probably not thirsty.

Some answers need to be questioned.

You have to bow to reach the top.

People drown in shallow thoughts.

The global awakening failed because of the different time zones.

The bottom line is determined by those at the top.

It’s easy to write history. All the eyewitnesses are dead.

If we give our best, they’ll take it.

Small fish live in shallow water.

History is most important to those without a past.

Jim Finnegan, proprietor of the ursprache blog and author of the aphoristically amazing Tramp Freighter, altered me to ‘Making a Space for Aphorism: Exploring the Intersection between Aphorism and Poetry‘ by Sharon Dolin from Poets.org:

“In the last few years, I have been drawn to writing aphorisms, which I think of as small journeyings between poetry and prose. Too short, usually, to be considered prose poems, they nonetheless often have the pith and compression of poems. Yet how do they differ? In my American Heritage Dictionary, an aphorism is defined as “A terse statement of a truth or opinion; an adage.” The word comes from the Greek aphorismos, meaning “to delimit” or “define.” An aphorism draws a ring around—and then occupies—a very small territorial space.”

Click here to read the whole piece.